I exercised for the first time in forever this afternoon.
I kid you not, I think since August. The last time I remember being excited and motivated enough to move my body was the first time I reached -100lbs.
I biked 10 miles (35 minutes) and only stopped because my butt hurt. That used to happen before; it took weeks to work up my tolerance to a full hour.
I want to say I did this because I felt enthused, pain-free, or something else positive. (All not true.) But this really happened because I weighed over 219 this morning.
All of the fattening, carby food I ate this week was not worth the feeling I had seeing that on the scale this morning. If I lived alone I’d post signs all over the house. “Stop mindlessly feeding your face.” “Eat something green today.” “Is what you’re eating worth another hour on the bike?”
There’s this little window of time in the morning where I decide whether or not I am going to eat well that day. Sometimes that decision comes as soon as I open my eyes, sometimes it takes as much as an hour. Most days it just clicks in my brain that I am going to continue being healthy and disciplined because it is important to me.
But today and yesterday my decision was just flat out no.
No I was absolutely not going to eat well. Because eating well is too hard to do when you’re busy feeling sorry for yourself (for valid or invalid reasons.)
I don’t feel very good today–in every sense, to be honest.
My weight this morning is my new all time low, 217.2, with a total loss of 104.2.
I weighed closer to 216 yesterday morning, but I ate probably 1/4 of a bag of Tostitos (straight from the bag) last night and that tends to happen. How dumb of me.
Still alive, still hovering around that 219 mark. I’ll know officially on Friday (because for some reason my weight is only official on Friday mornings?)
I had braces put onto my bottom teeth Tuesday morning. Oh boy they hurt.
I’ve used, “I feel like I’ve been socked in the mouth,” “Every one of my teeth feels like it has a giant, aggravated cavity,” and “All of my teeth feel like they have food stuck between them,” as descriptions about how it feels. But it’s all summed up with “it hurts.”
I’m fascinated by my own mouth, I must say. I can’t wait to see how my teeth are going to fill the huge gaps left by my other, now absent, teeth. The pressure and pulling-feelings are worth it. (Or I hope they will be.)
What does this mean for my eating? It’s okay. I’m eating out of cans and boxes more than I like, but it’s all within my allowed calories. I had an extra, mini-breakfast at 5am so that I could take a giant ibuprofen and go back to sleep, but it’s not really my fault that I have to take that with food.
I keep feeling like I’m going to have a significant loss this week, but maybe my mind is more in a groove than my body. I’m doing well with eating (on the Eat When You are Hungry plan–more on that to come) but that doesn’t mean I’m going to lose.
And it’s not all about the numbers. On Monday, when I went to have my dentist make sure my extractions from the week before were healing okay, one of the dental assistants looked at me and gaped. (She saw me the week before, but lying on the chair, and only stuck her head into my room to say hello.) I felt like a big nerd because, well, it made me feel good. And, at the counter, when I paid, the insurance biller told me she wanted to ask me what I am doing because I am “disappearing.” Get out, right?
I hope they believe it’s sincere when I seem shocked that they notice. Sometimes I barely notice myself.
I ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch straight from the box, in front of the TV on Tuesday night, and had bites of what my mom cooked for dinner a few times during the week (after I had already eaten my own.)
So no cheating this week should do me better than losing 1.2 pounds. I remember weeks and weeks, even months-long bouts of cheat-free eating. Why can’t I do that anymore?
I am craving breakfast. Bacon and waffles and hashbrowns that are cooked really crispy. I hate that there are just no substitutions for some foods. But this will pass.
I had those teeth pulled yesterday morning. I’ve been eating yogurt, oatmeal and soup since. I was thinking of scrambled egg whites for dinner but eggs without the bacon… and waffles… and hashbrowns, ugh!
I’ve been eating awesomely. Getting all of my food in with no extras, tons of water, yada yada yada.
I need to be better about taking my vitamins. That’s probably my biggest complaint about these last few days.
I will probably continue with the idea of a food journal via SparkPeople or FitDay. I used to religiously log all of my food and exercise in FitDay (but privately) and was losing really well. Why don’t I still do that?
Tomorrow morning I have four teeth extracted to make room for my teeth to move because of my braces. PLEASE God don’t let me fall into a pattern of pity/lazy eating because of pain, discomfort, or all-around feelings of grossness. Everyone keeps saying it will not hurt but just be annoying.
Oh, and I’m back to a new all-time high loss mark. -101.2 pounds. I weighed 220.2 Friday morning. Teens next week. Teens!!!
Posted in Just Life, Exercise, Personal Progress 
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